![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polutropeTime, like an everflowing stream, passes by us swiftly. For example, it seems like only yesterday that my history paper, which must be six pages long, and for which I have read two books, and which is due Monday, was due "you know, six weeks from now." This is extremely unfortunate.
Also, and more worryingly, it seems like just a little while since I was a freshman and college was four years away and I could safely ignore it. Having just had the junior briefing, the idea of college, which was before nebulous - something that I was, of course, going to do, but that I didn't really have to think about - has become concrete - something I have to do something about. Hard on the heels of that idea comes the idea of graduation. I don't like endings. I can't handle them. I tear up even thinking about it. This forces me to think "this time next year I will have five months of highschool left. I might already know where I'm going."
I don't think I fully comprehend that right now. I don't really concieve of the endpoint of these four years as real.
It shouldn't be.
And yet, at the same time, I am filled with the desire to leave - just to get out of here. Off this continent, out of this city, out of this rut. And when I leave, I will be homesick, because I love New York with all my heart. But I just have to leave. I feel stuck, trapped. I want to go to Reed. The fact that it's in Oregon is attractive, somehow. Or I could go to the Sorbonne, and study theology and have arguments with kings and crazy powerplays and bishops and answer questions about the two popes and burn people at the stake... What do you mean, they don't do that anymore?
Also, and more worryingly, it seems like just a little while since I was a freshman and college was four years away and I could safely ignore it. Having just had the junior briefing, the idea of college, which was before nebulous - something that I was, of course, going to do, but that I didn't really have to think about - has become concrete - something I have to do something about. Hard on the heels of that idea comes the idea of graduation. I don't like endings. I can't handle them. I tear up even thinking about it. This forces me to think "this time next year I will have five months of highschool left. I might already know where I'm going."
I don't think I fully comprehend that right now. I don't really concieve of the endpoint of these four years as real.
It shouldn't be.
And yet, at the same time, I am filled with the desire to leave - just to get out of here. Off this continent, out of this city, out of this rut. And when I leave, I will be homesick, because I love New York with all my heart. But I just have to leave. I feel stuck, trapped. I want to go to Reed. The fact that it's in Oregon is attractive, somehow. Or I could go to the Sorbonne, and study theology and have arguments with kings and crazy powerplays and bishops and answer questions about the two popes and burn people at the stake... What do you mean, they don't do that anymore?
